Anybody up for a Cosmo? Or perhaps some rollerblading?

Can I possibly be doing this?  Starting a blog?  Really??  I mean, seriously.  It’s like I’m wearing Hammer Pants.  Or sporting the Rachel cut.  Or using an aol email address.  Or being a vegetarian.  This shit is so 2003.  But, in my defense, I’m originally from the South and we’re traditionally a little slow to catch on (see, e.g., slavery).  And I was reasonably tipsy when I first agreed to this (and, appropriately, agreed to be called "Smashed").

Sure, I know plenty of people with blogs.  But I don’t fucking read them!  I barely listen to you when you’re talking to my face, and you want me to read 2,000 words on “my kids say the darndest things”?  “Oh,” you say.  “But my blog is about politics and dialoguing on the issues that affect Americans everyday, surely that would interest you?”  Uh, no.  You are not Arianna Huffington, and I am not sober enough to follow your finger, much less your logic.  What?  Your blog is a dialogue about literature?  Well, sure, I like to read!  But the most literary thing I’ve read in years was historical fiction about the Tudors, and that only got my attention because they use the word “cuny” a lot.  Pass.

And yet, here we are.  Apparently I am an asshole too.  I think I am funny enough, or interesting enough, or possibly just anonymous enough to do this.  Or perhaps I’m just bored.  Not bored enough to read your fucking blog though…